i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
