He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
4 words: hood of his car
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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