Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
