I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
