Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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