have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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