Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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