areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
