I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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