Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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