Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
