im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
