I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
