I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
