HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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