I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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