oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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