He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
