I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
