I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
