Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
