The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
