Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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