this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
