He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
