:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
