i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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