i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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