Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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