it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've blown a few things in my day
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
