I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
