i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
