As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
