Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
