I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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