i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
