I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
