Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
