Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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