i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
