You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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