is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no you cant smoke seaweed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
