Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
