You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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