Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize