i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
