We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
