From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
