Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Everyone says I win the strip club
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
