If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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