i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
