I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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