You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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