I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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