I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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