he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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