Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
