nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
