If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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