i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
