Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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