mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
