My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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