That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
