guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize