I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
