I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My liver just had a heart attack.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
